Explanation of manners for ceremonial occasions (funerals and weddings)

It is a manner of ceremonial occasions that should not be rude, but do you know the meaning of the word "ceremonial occasion" in the first place?

Many people know "marriage" and "funeral" but remain ambiguous about "crown" and "festival".

A correct understanding of funeral and wedding etiquette, which you often experience, will also help you in your real life.

This time, I will tell you about the meaning of ceremonial occasions and the manners of funerals and weddings.

What is a ceremonial occasion?

The ceremonial occasion is a collective name for four ancient rituals: "genpuku," "wedding," "funeral," and "ancestor festival."

Let me explain each one.

"Crown" is a celebration of a milestone in life

In connection with the celebration of the coming-of-age men's ritual "Genpuku", which has been held since the Nara period, with a crown on it, the celebration that marks a turning point in life is referred to as the "crown".

In modern times, Shichigosan, coming-of-age ceremony, and 60th birthday are the "crowns."Childbirth, honors and rewards are also celebrations that are "crowns".

"Marriage" is a wedding, "funeral" is a funeral

A wedding is an event to get married and become a married couple, and a wedding reception is also a "marriage".

A funeral is a life-threatening event. It also includes commuting to night and legal affairs and memorial services.

"Festival" is a milestone event of the year to worship ancestors

The whole thing of worshiping ancestors is a "festival."Since it also has the purpose of wishing for the prosperity of the clan, it is a "festival" not only for the Buddhist memorial service and Obon festival, but also for New Year, Setsubun, and Tanabata.

[If you read the article, may you know the meaning of this KARUTA? ]

Funeral etiquette

The most important etiquette at the funeral is clothing, incense, and attendance. Let's understand it well.

Clothes manners for funerals

If you come in contact with the news and rush to the night on your way home from work, you can wear plain clothes.

Try to keep the colors as plain as possible and avoid wearing flashy colors.

There was an idea that mourning clothes seemed to anticipate unhappiness during the night, but recently there is no problem with mourning clothes from the night.

When attending a funeral or farewell ceremony, in principle, wear mourning clothes.

·male

A dark suit, a white shirt, a black tie and socks, and black shoes.

Cufflinks are fine, but it's better not to have a tie clip.

·Female

Black suit or dress, black stockings and shoes. If possible, choose shoes and bags made of cloth. If it is made of leather, there is no problem if it is simple without gloss.

Keep your hair tidy. Avoid accessories other than simple pearls and wedding rings.

About incense

Bring the incense when attending either the night or the funeral (farewell ceremony). The inscription on the incense bag should be written according to the religion of the deceased or mourner.

If for some reason the religion cannot be confirmed, any religion will do as long as it is "in front of the Spirit."

・ Buddhist style

The writing of the incense is "Okaden" or "Oka". Please note that "Gobutsu-mae" and "Gobu-mae" are used for the memorial service after the 49th.

・ Christian ceremony

The table is "Flower charges" for Protestants and "Mass charges" for Catholics.

The incense bag with lotus flowers is used in Buddhist style, so please do not use it in Christian style.

・ God ceremony

The table is "Tamagushi charge" and "Sakaki charge", and you cannot use the lotus flower picture incense bag here either.

Manners when attending

It is strictly forbidden to be late, and we will head to the venue so that we can arrive earlier than the scheduled time.

If for some reason you want to leave the room, sit as far back as possible and quietly leave after the incense is finished.

When expressing condolences to the bereaved family, do so at the time of commuting, not at the funeral or farewell ceremony. It is good manners not to spend a long time in consideration of other attendees.

Condolences should be expressed in a low voice and conservatively, and be sure to bow.

If you can't find the words well, it's okay to just give a courtesy.

Wedding etiquette

At weddings, pay particular attention to invitation replies, outfits, and celebrations.

Invitation reply manners

・ Reply by the due date

If the reply postcard does not arrive, the bride and groom will be disappointed and the start of concrete preparations will be delayed.

When you receive the invitation, post the reply postcard within a few days, even if you can afford it.

If you cannot reply immediately due to work reasons, we will contact you by phone and let you know when it will be.

・ Correct entry

Fill in with a black brush or fountain pen. If you are not good at it, you can use a ballpoint pen.

Please erase the "line" of the address with a polite double line and rewrite it as "sama".

Circle the "attendance" part, and double honorifics for yourself, such as "attendance" "go", "absence" as a whole, "good name" "good", "address" "go" Erase with a line.

・ Attach a message

Be sure to add a word such as a blessing or invitation in the message field or margin.

Wedding etiquette

Women generally attend in dresses. Choose a dress that does not violate your manners.

・ Avoid white and colors that are too unique

The protagonist of the wedding is the bride. Only the bride should wear white. In the case of a dark dress, accessories and accessories will be used to create a gorgeous look so that it does not look like a funeral.

In addition, it is rude because the unique colors, patterns, and designs that attract the eyes are more noticeable than the bride.

・ Difference between day and night

The manners of dress styles differ depending on the time of day.

Some exposure and glitter materials are OK at night, but materials that are modestly exposed and shine in the daytime are NG.

・ Sandals and bare feet are NG

In formal occasions such as weddings, it is essential to avoid toes and no stockings.

Congratulatory etiquette

Congratulations are considered by adding "celebration" to "meal fee" and "gift fee".

Here is an example of a celebration for the amount of "meal fee 15,000 yen" and "gift fee 5,000 yen".

Considering the relationship with the bride and groom, the market price is 10,000 yen for a friend and 30,000 yen for a celebration, and 10,000 to 30,000 yen for a celebration and 30,000 to 50,000 yen for a boss.

Choose a gift bag that matches the amount of money. Basically, it is clearly stated on the product how much it is for, so please check and buy it.

Mizuhiki in the gift bag cannot be untied once it is tied, and the congratulations "bowknot" is not used for wedding gifts.

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Summary

"Marriage" at a ceremonial occasion is marriage, and "funeral" is a funeral. The "crown" is a celebration of a milestone in life, and the "festival" is a milestone event of the year to worship ancestors and wish for the prosperity of the clan.

As a member of society, there are many opportunities to attend funerals and weddings. Be aware of basic etiquette so as not to be rude.

Basic manners of dress, incense, and attendance are required for funerals, and basic manners of replying invitations, dressing, and celebrations are required for weddings.

Aim to be a wonderful adult who can firmly follow the manners of ceremonial occasions.

This article is a partial re-edit of the article published in Nihongo Biyori by KARUTA.
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